Freshman in aisle seat half hour before class loves when asses gently graze him

Sitting in Humanities 3650 35 minutes before his Journalism 241 lecture, incoming Freshman Jordan Daniels says that while the ability to choose his favorite seat is part of the incentive to show up early, the feeling of buttocks coming ever closer to his face as they pass him is the real reason why he’s there.

“What better feeling is there at 8:30 in the morning than the gentle touch of a behind as it passes you, just waiting to learn?” remarked Daniels, stationed at his 7th row aisle seat. “Some people exercise to wake up in the morning. Some people drink coffee. But why do any of that when you can greet the day with a big ol’ cup of the booty?”

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At last report, Daniels was off to his Agriculture lecture an hour early, remarking that he “had to get there before all the other ‘ass-fanatics’ took the best spots.”