Fox News to replace O’Reilly with “less rapey” clown from IT

Long-time Fox News show host Bill O’Reilly was fired last week due to several allegations of sexual assault against him by female co-workers. His show, The O’Reilly Factor, has brought in millions of viewers, Fox News has been scrambling to find a new host for their prime time slot.

“We’ve looked through a lot of great candidates,” Fox News CEO Rupert Murdoch said. “We interviewed Tomi Lahren, Alex Jones, the ex-head of marketing for Pepsi, O’Doyle from the mega-hit ‘Billy Madison,’ and a guy who wore a fake moustache named Phil O’Miley. None of them had any ‘wow factor,’ however. That is, until we met him...I mean, her...I mean, it.”

The news network found a new host in the well-known clown, Pennywise, from Stephen King’s film “It.” He has received a boost in popularity in recent months for appearing in trailers for the remake of the film, and currently has an even higher overall approval rating than former host Bill O’Reilly.

Fox News executives cited Pennywise as a smart choice not only for his individual accolades, but also the latest trend of clowns sparking fear in the hearts of Americans across the country. They hope to reach an even higher level of mindless fear-mongering than was previously achieved by the O’Reilly Factor.

“The decision to hire the scary-ass clown was way easier than you may think,” co-president Jack Abernathy said. “We, as a network, need to show that we do not support sexual harassment or assault. Pennywise has never done anything of the sort to any women. So far, the only issue is his tendency to eat children, which might actually help us with this whole millennial thing.”

The network has officially assigned the primetime O’Reilly Factor time slot to their brand new show “A Penny Wiser.”

“Unlike the O’Reilly Factor, this show will be sexual assault-free. We will, however, continue to agenda-check every fact, and I can’t promise the racism won’t continue,” Murdoch said.

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