Op-Ed: What’s the big deal with millennials filing taxes anyway?

It’s the same old song and dance we’ve heard for years. It’s tax season, and the jokes about millennials not knowing how to do their taxes have started rolling in, but let me clue you in on a little secret. I’m a fucking millennial! And I’m fucking nailing tax season! So to all you youths who are stepping methodically in-line with the Baby Boomers’ stereotypes, I’ve decided to create a simple, five-step instructions list to help you get through today.

Step 1: Open Google in your web browser. Those geriatric fucks probably think you’re too busy taking “selfies” to even know what month it is, but clearly we know it’s April! It says so every time I open my lock screen and have no notifications.   

Step 2: Wow you’re doing so good! Give yourself a pat on the back! “Special snowflake” my ass. We’re doing the real work now!

Step 3: Click on “Create Google Document” and open that sucker up. The blank screen looks intimidating, but I promise, this only gets easier. The ancients may say we’re “entitled” and “lazy,” but would a “lazy” person open a Google document? Didn’t think so. Checkmate, you old fogeys.

Step 4: This step is *VERY IMPORTANT* - Write down if you made over $5000 dollars this year or not. You are doing so well! Remember to practice self-care! Fuck all those elitist old farts who say we can’t do anything real!

Step 5: Share with “federalgov@gmail.com.” Make sure you share under the option “Can Edit.”

And that’s it! We get it, government and old people, you want us to “learn how to do stuff.” Anyone else excited for their return?