Op ed: Every picture of a stegosaurus looks like it’s about to start some shit

Okay, so we’re all seeing this, right? I swear, every artist's rendition of a stegosaurus looks like it’s going to hop through the computer and start some shit. 

Look at this stegosaurus above. Look at that glare. That’s the glare of a creature who will put up with -5% of your bullshit. Those eyes pierce your soul, kick you when you’re down and force you to answer a simple question; “Are you really up for this right now, bucko?”

 

And look at this one. This is the fakest representation of a dinosaur i’ve ever seen and yet it looks like this one just had to spend two hours at the DMV and will be tolerating life for the rest of the day. If this stegosaurus walked into a Starbucks and you were the barista, you better get their name and their order right or otherwise you’ll be getting a lot of spine plate in your face.


Don’t take that stance lightly, either. That’s a fighting stance if I’ve ever seen one. No sudden moves around this dino. This stegosaurus has had “ones of those days” and will not be up for any sudden moves on your part, thank you very much.

This stegosaurus is something special, because this stegosaurus is offended on so many levels that you can’t even reason with it. That mouth is going to roast the holy hell out of you, and there’s nothing you can do about it either. Like it or not, this dino’s coming after you on the Dinosaur Train, and it is going to beat into you the TRUTH of the Triassic era.

 

And finally there’s this one. This is a scheming dinosaur, a dinosaur who's always looking for a scuffle, always trying to get a heads up. Honestly, what did we do to stegosauruses? We didn’t kill them. If anything, stegosauruses should be mad at astrology. To be fair, their brains are about the size of walnuts, so they could just be taken out their aggression on everything that moves because they don’t know where to target their true frustrations.

 

What I say to you stegos is this: Calm the fuck down, and just let us go about our lives.