Universally hated professor tragically just late, not dead

Smiling for the first time ever during their 7:45am Survey of Modern Pastoral Literature lecture, students took to twitter Monday to rejoice the death of their professor, Bahman Simonide.

“Thank God! I’ve been praying for months and that bastard finally croaked! #blessed” sophomore Pamella Jephson tweeted.  Tweets about Simonide’s death created the largest internet stir related to modern pastoral literature since the release of Edward Milton’s classic “Greener Pastures, Somber Cows” in 2010.  The tone of the students’ tweets changed at 8:00am when they received an email from Simonide informing them he was stuck in Chile until Tuesday and that class would resume as scheduled Wednesday morning.

After a swarm of “Oh God why?” and “#fucksimonide” tweets, Twitteractivity subsided, likely due to the fact that Simonide also assigned a 50 page reading on the effects of social media on llamas