Op-ed: UW needs to remove Rebecca Blank and start with 'Blank Slate'

Ok, so I’m gonna be honest with you all. I really have no opinion on Becky Blank. No, really. Some people like her, some don’t. But when a pun like “Blank Slate” presents itself to you, you have to take it. So I did. But now what?

Do I talk about her policies? I don’t know any of her policies. Look, if you had the opportunity to use the “Blank Slate” pun, wouldn’t you? How many times in our lives will an opportunity this great come around for a pun. It won’t. Even though I have zero idea why some people dislike Rebecca Blank, I have to go for it.

But see, now I’m stuck. I thought I’d be able to elaborate on this pun, to put together a witty and constructive opinion piece about the reasons we need.... A “Blank Slate” guys. There, look, I used it again! God, that’s a great pun. Hold on, I’m getting off track.

Wait, was I ever on track? I’m actually just writing this for the pun, as you can probably tell by now. There’s nothing else that I can add to this debate on the campus. Should we remove her just so everyone can use the pun? That seems a bit harsh, but it would be so satisfying. Besides, no matter when our next chancellor comes along, chances are they won’t have names like “ Gerald Fired” or “Kathy Fresh Start.” We absolutely have to capitalize on this situation.

Is this a call to action? Wait wait wait, I don’t want to have to deal with this at all. I’m no authority on this situation; I’m just the pun guy. Right, guys? Don’t pin this on me. Please don’t. Look, I’m taking Chemistry 103 for the third time, and UWPD still hasn’t figured out that I was the one who pissed on Abe. Cut me some slack! I can’t have the administration having extra reasons to kick me out.

Look, let’s make a deal, alright? Let’s just table the whole “Blank Slate” thing, alright? Becky, if you’re reading this, please show mercy. With any luck, we can forget all this and I can start with a… with a…