Op ed: I heard La La Land won Best Picture and turned the TV right off. I can't stand America

Goddammit, Oscars! You fucked up again. La La Land? Best Picture? NO! I couldn’t even listen to that smug acceptance speech. First you didn’t give Selma one dang award and completely snubbed 12 Years a Slave on Best Costume Design, then you give the Best Picture award to a movie about white people saving jazz? JEEZ! If Moonlight won it would have meant that racism is over, but noooooooo, the academy has to give the award to the white movie.

La La Land? More like la la bland. I can’t la la stand America. Whoever gave this movie Best Picture should be la la canned. This was just another la la secondhand attempt at la la whitewashing another damn story. IT WAS NOT ALL THAT JAZZ!

Moonlight was brave. It brought forward a real American struggle and no, I haven’t seen it, but it was BRAVE. Black AND gay? Ryan Gosling would never have the courage to play a gay black man, and neither would Emma Stone. They can take their good looks and awards and shove them up their cowardly white asses.

 

I will have you know that during my third viewing of La La Land I almost couldn’t enjoy myself because Ryan Gosling was CLEARLY looking at his feet while dancing, and he was being a straight white male while doing it. Even the PIANO KEYS were mostly white. I mean COME ON!

I bet that when I eventually get around to watching Moonlight that the main black guy and all the other black guys will be flawless in every way. They can perform struggling characters because THEY’VE ACTUALLY STRUGGLED. Fuckin whitey ass Emma Stone thinks she has a hard time in LA trying to be famous? These black actors had to live without their fathers their entire lives. If you had just been brave enough to give Moonlight Best Picture, no black person would ever suffer again. YOU COULD HAVE ENDED THE STRUGGLE. Yet, here we are.

Do you think Emma or Ryan need more tiny gold statues? What have they ever struggled with? Emma Stone needs another Oscar like she needs a breast reduction. Ryan Gosling “supports” black charities, but he’s willing to steal Oscars from people who have nothing? They’re black. They already have racism to deal with. And you made it worse.

Fuck this. I’m going to watch that scene from Amazing Spider Man 2 where Emma Stone’s character dies, and I’m going to love it.