Russian president not 'Putin' up with people making puns out of his name anymore

tootin' putin

Russian President Vladimir Putin is widely regarded as a strict authoritarian leader. He has a reputation for taking action against those who oppose him, and reportedly now considers lingual manipulators to be among those offenders. This news arose after Putin was shown several Tweets and blogs that took creative liberty with his last name, and reportedly it has really been Putin him out.

“The leader is really Putin his foot down on this. We’re all very supportive of this of course, as we understand you can’t have people Putin you down publicly and using your own name to do so. It’s Putin me on edge just thinking about it!” Stated an anonymous source close to the president (roughly translated from Russian).

Several bans have also been instated on all things that the leader felt could be Putin to the wrong context and used against him. This includes the song “Puttin’ on the Ritz” which will no longer be danced to by fourth grade tap dancers. Pudding in all its forms has been removed from grocery stores, leaving elementary schools scrambling to find a replacement desert for Wednesday snack times. Perhaps most notably is the ban of all putt-putt golf courses as the president feels that putting may have been created as a resistance to his regime.

Those who have been Putin the greatest risk of retaliation from the regime are avid tweeters who have recently been Putin Putin’s radar. Offending tweets include;

“Hey, who decided this douchenozzle should be Putin charge of an entire country?” -@PutinMeOut

“Vladimir Putin? More like Vladimir Putin entire country into economic crisis while padding his own pockets with billions of dollars!” -@Slurpin_Vanilla_Putin

“I wish I could be Putin to Vlady’s arms every night so he could softly sing me to sleep and remind me of simpler times” -@Hot4AuthoritarianHunk

Tweeters who are at the greatest risk have been Putin guard for Russian retaliation and have been offered protection if they feel they need it.