Hard to pronounce ingredient automatically bad for you

According to a study published earlier this year, ingredients listed on the package of a food item that are hard to pronounce have been proven to be definitively bad for you. A team of scientists based in Oslo, Norway, discovered that without exception if you personally cannot pronounce a word listed as an ingredient, it will have a negative impact on your physical health.

Local food purchaser and consumer Steve Hardnell described his feelings on the new scientific breakthrough, “I knew it the whole time. Take graham crackers for example, look what’s in these. Cimanin, cimnamin, Ci-cinanim? I could never pronounce this goddamn ingredient right and I just knew it had to be the reason for my congestive heart failure.”

“Most people think that the chemical composition of each food or ingredient is what determines its nutritional value. This is a widespread misconception,” said lead scientist Kjell Marrit

“What my team and I have finally proven is that the health impact of each food isn’t determined by its composition, but instead simply by virtue of how hard it is for each person individually to pronounce it”.

“We were all told to eat our vegetables, taught that they’d make us strong,” area shopper Lisa Hodge commented, “but who knew that, organic apersu- wait, aspergusus? How do you say....? ...aspergusus, was so bad for you? I can’t believe it, I guess that means that just because a food is organic doesn’t mean it’s automatically good for you either! Who knew?”

“I think my subconscious knew the whole time” Said Astrid Fletcher “It was trying to warn me away from eating certain foods. Like pasghetti, I had no idea it was so bad for you. But I think it was the universe’s way of telling my subconscious that it wasn’t good for my body, mind or soul, and it led me down a path of self discovery until I ended up at the intersection of knowing and not knowing, you know? And now I know.”

Last year Marrit and his team gained global attention with the publication of a different study showing the positive relationship between coffee consumption and political knowledge.