Father of middle schoolers afraid he pierced “Gay Ear”

A local man and father of two recently reported that as his children enter middle school he fears they may notice his ear piercing is located on the "gay ear”.

“I was like 15, and I thought it would be cool and edgy,” says the father, who wished to remain anonymous. “I thought that the piercings would be totally badass, but I never bothered to ask if they were piercing the gay ear or not, so I just hoped they pierced the right one.”

While listening to a substantial amount of blink-182 and Sum 41 during his formative years, the father hoped the piercing would help him fit in with the “it” crowd, but he believes all it’s done for him is left him in a state of pure terror.

“I’m constantly on edge,” said the father, “I once saw my oldest son, who’s now in 8th grade, stare at my ear just a bit too long the other day. So I panicked and sent him to his room. He didn’t even go to school that day. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m becoming a mess.”

The local father hoped that simply piercing the other ear would stop any questions of his sexuality from his children, who, as he notes, have never asked. But he reported that the second piercing only made his children stare at him more.

“I have nothing against homosexuality, but those middle schoolers sure fucking did. I heard one of them totally cracked this kid’s head open on the gym floor just because he said he liked ‘Grease.’ I’m not about to let that kinda shit happen to me, especially not in my own home. I don’t want my brains all over the gym floor.”