Amazon’s new drone service to go around cities sticking kids with vaccinations


In a press conference last Saturday, Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon, announced an exciting new service where Drones will fly around cities sticking local children with vaccinations for various diseases.

“We’re very excited to implement this revolutionary tech in ways that exceed more than simply delivering mail to consumers,” said one Amazon rep. “We see this as only the beginning for Amazon’s new domestic well-being programs.”

In the conference, Bezos stated that the program, titled the “Domestic Purification of Undesirable Burdens,” would be implemented initially in “test cities,” with potential candidates being Jackson, MS; New Orleans, LA; and Flint, MI. “We really wanted to reach out to cities which we found were impoverished or unclean and would benefit the most from a cleansing of the population,” an Amazon rep told our reporters.

And this is “only the beginning.” According to our sources, exec’s at Amazon are pushing for mobile cleansing stations by spring 2018, with what they call the “Domestic Elaborate and Tactical Healer” squads.

“We hope that the public sees what good we’re trying to accomplish and for them to support us in future endeavors. When we do eventually roll out our line of environmentally-conscious drones which will spray a sanitizing mist of Zyklon C in public parks, we at Amazon believe the people will see the good we’re doing not just for the good of the planet, but for the future of our people.”