Elon Musk reveals plan to have humans on mars by Tuesday

Elon Musk, CEO of Space-X and Tesla, revealed recently what may be his most ambitious plan yet: To have humans on Mars by Tuesday.

“We are all human,” said Musk, speaking at a press conference from Space-X headquarters. “We share the same drive and ambition: to get humans on Mars before NASA can. NASA says that they are going to get people to Mars in the 2030’s. That’s too long if you ask me. So I did all the science and I have a ship that can get men to Mars by Tuesday! Let’s not Elon-gate the wait, NASA!”

Musk released the details of his plan in a 50 page report, adding a watermark at the top of each page that says “Fuck you, NASA”. The final page of the report gives a concise summary of Musk’s plan.

“1) Find NASA’s top astronaut and pay him to quit and come work for Space-X,” reads the report. “2) Put him in the ship. 3) Make the ship go up. Fast. 4) Make the ship come down, but safely and on Mars. 5) Make it look like NASA isn’t worth all the funding it gets.”

NASA has avoided comment on Musk’s proposal, saying that its focus is getting two robots on Mars to take selfies with each other.